Anna, thank you so much for this. For the last 10 years of my dad's life he lived in hospitals, nursing homes, and assisted living due to untreatable depression and anxiety. My two sisters and I had each other to help look after him and share the pain of ambiguous loss during those years. In 2020 we (unambiguously) lost him to COVID, which of course brought a whole different kind of grief. But it's true that I felt some relief that the ambiguous loss -- and his painful final years -- could finally reach closure.
Kirsten, thank you so much for reading and for sharing. I'm sorry for the losses you experienced with your dad, sound like it was so hard, but glad to hear you had sisters there with you. It can feel vulnerable to share, but my hope is that it will help others to know they are not alone.
Jackson and I have shared that we both grieve the version of my dad that is no longer here.'
'Time together and conversations are very different now, and it is a loss. I miss his mind. I can tell the he feels the loss too. For a few days after this visit, I was depressed and fatigued from the emotional toll.'
'Grief rewires the brain with one goal: survival. It is interpreted in the same way that emotional trauma or PTSD is, eliciting a fight or flight response, and can impact memory, behavior, sleep, the immune system and even the heart'
In these 3 sentences you've articulated how it was with my Dad. The only difference was that this was the first year in 2015-2016 when the vascular dementia episodes happened. I was 'rewired' then later that 'toll' drove new neural 'numbed' pathways - the falls, the toll and lack of sleep is a caregivers burning out.
Grief, emotional trauma/PTSD rewired my brain. It also burned a brand/tattoo on my heart.
Anna,
This is beautifully written. The notion of ambiguous loss is profound. It is so important to bring attention to it. Thank you.
Thank you Diana. Your support means the world to me!
Anna, thank you so much for this. For the last 10 years of my dad's life he lived in hospitals, nursing homes, and assisted living due to untreatable depression and anxiety. My two sisters and I had each other to help look after him and share the pain of ambiguous loss during those years. In 2020 we (unambiguously) lost him to COVID, which of course brought a whole different kind of grief. But it's true that I felt some relief that the ambiguous loss -- and his painful final years -- could finally reach closure.
Kirsten, thank you so much for reading and for sharing. I'm sorry for the losses you experienced with your dad, sound like it was so hard, but glad to hear you had sisters there with you. It can feel vulnerable to share, but my hope is that it will help others to know they are not alone.
Jackson and I have shared that we both grieve the version of my dad that is no longer here.'
'Time together and conversations are very different now, and it is a loss. I miss his mind. I can tell the he feels the loss too. For a few days after this visit, I was depressed and fatigued from the emotional toll.'
'Grief rewires the brain with one goal: survival. It is interpreted in the same way that emotional trauma or PTSD is, eliciting a fight or flight response, and can impact memory, behavior, sleep, the immune system and even the heart'
In these 3 sentences you've articulated how it was with my Dad. The only difference was that this was the first year in 2015-2016 when the vascular dementia episodes happened. I was 'rewired' then later that 'toll' drove new neural 'numbed' pathways - the falls, the toll and lack of sleep is a caregivers burning out.
Grief, emotional trauma/PTSD rewired my brain. It also burned a brand/tattoo on my heart.